theyellowbrickroad:

theyellowbrickroad:

Did I ever tell u guys about the time my ex legitimately thought he killed me with his dick???

Ok so picture this I’m 18 and excited about sex, trying out some new positions. We are having sex in a pretty similar position to this

And my pussy is so wet it might as well be a god damn Slip N Slide ok. And he’s pounding at it fast and hard but slips out and goes to go right back in… But something is wrong. He’s about to enter….

The. Wrong. Hole.

And my eyes widen, I go to shout “noooo!!!!” But it’s all happening too fast. He thrusts right into my unlubed asshole and I scream like murder and leap right up onto my feet.

We had only been dating a couple of months at this time and there was something very important he did not know about me: I am a chronic fainter. If I’m in pain or if I see my own blood, I will pass the fuck out. I get real quiet and turn to him and say, “I am going to pass out.”

He doesn’t know I’m serious, he thinks I’m just being emotional, and he’s like “no baby come here” but as he finishes that sentence i faint and my head ping pongs off my metal bed frame, onto the wall and then finally my whole body falls on the ground.

He has never seen anybody faint before and naturally assumes I’m dead. A couple minutes later I awaken to him sobbing into my naked chest. Like this motherfucker really thought he sent me to the grave with some accidental anal sex.

What sexual response that you’ve caused a lover to emit would you consider your proudest?

starfaring-princelotor:

image

Aside from squirting? Let me think…

Yes, I remember one moment where I could not stop grinning from ear to ear. It was after one particular rough and wild night, full of pounding and screaming. I was woken up by the soft sounds of whimpering and whispers of “Please, please, Lotor…” Thinking my mate must have been trying to discreetly touch themselves without me knowing, I peered down to see them still in my arms. And dreaming. My lover, so well fucked and pleased beyond imagination, was having a wet dream in front of me. 

Not only was I able to please them in reality, but also in their wildest dreams.

likes-getting-redboned:

A friend and I were backstocking some toys at work the other day

Friend: *handing me one of those slime tube things* You want some goo?

Me: No, that stuff grosses me out my dude

Friend: Fair enough but I’m surprised you’d say that considering Keith probably gave you his goo last night

Me: *tries to kick him in the shin as he runs*